08/01/2026
Tabitha White
By Hardeep Roud
Often when people hear domestic abuse, they think about a woman being abused by a male partner. While this is a serious and widespread issue, it’s not always the case. It is important for us to understand and acknowledge that men can also be subjected to physical, psychological, emotional or financial abuse. Unfortunately, male victims are significantly less likely to report abuse or leave abusive relationships. It is crucial we understand the complexity of this issue and why men are struggling to leave abusive relationships. It requires us to challenge long term fixed thinking, stereotypes and identify barriers men face.
Social Stigma and Gender Stereotypes
A significant barrier for men in abusive relationships is the societal stigma around male victimhood. Societies often expect men to be emotionally and physically strong, which makes it hard for men to disclose the abuse they are experiencing. It can also be difficult for men to recognise that they are experiencing domestic abuse, as the idea that their partner physically overpowered or emotionally manipulated them can feel emasculating, particularly as traditional cultural views link masculinity to dominance and control. Moreover, the fear and worry men have around reporting abuse is that they won’t be believed or taken seriously by authorities, friends and family. In some situations, men who have experienced abuse have been dismissed, mocked and even arrested.
Emotional Manipulation and Psychological Control
Psychological control and emotional manipulation play a major role in the abuse men experience. Abusive partners use emasculating tactics, gaslighting, guilt, and threats as a way of attacking the victim’s self-esteem and sense of reality. Men can be told they are weak, they will not be believed, or that if they report or try to leave the relationship, they may experience losing their children, family, home and reputation. This fear tactic and manipulation eventually make a man feel trapped, afraid, ashamed and helpless. Beliefs such as “it’s a man’s sense of duty”, “men should be loyal to their partner or family” and “men should hold their family together” can make men stay in abusive relationships as they are made to feel that leaving is abandoning their duties, destroying their family structure or giving up on their children.
Lack of Resources and Support Systems
Unfortunately, services for male victims of domestic abuse are limited or even nonexistent. There is also a lack of support services or trained professionals to support male victims, with the added problem of professionals not wanting to recognise males as victims. Biased legal systems can be a significant barrier to men attempting to access support for domestic abuse, where systems often view the man as the primary aggressor due to societal stereotypes of what constitutes an abusive relationship. This means when a man does want to leave the relationship, it is extremely difficult due to the lack of support and lack of resources.
Fear of Not Being Believed
Men are frequently mocked when disclosing abuse, hearing things like “man up” or “fight back” in situations, this not only ignores the complexities of abusive relationships but also puts men in potential risk of legal action. In heterosexual relationships, if a male defends themselves in a situation where they are being physically abused, they may be seen as the aggressor due to cultural gendered assumptions.
Emotional Attachment and Hope for Change
Similarly to female victims, men experience the same emotional attachment and can express their continued love for their abusive partners, often hoping that things will change and get better. Male victims also experience a cycle of abuse marked by alternating periods of harm and affection, creating intense emotional highs and lows. Moments of kindness and affection can offer false hope and strengthen emotional attachment, making it even more difficult for them to leave the abusive situation.
Conclusion
Men struggling to leave abusive relationships is not a sign of weakness; rather, it reflects complex societal, emotional, and practical barriers. To address these challenges, it is crucial to expand our understanding of domestic abuse and recognise all individuals as victims, regardless of gender. It is important to build support systems which are inclusive and effective for all. By doing this we can create a world where men don’t feel trapped and suffer in silence.